Getting kids ready in the morning - whose response-ablity is the schoolrun?

One recent morning, Mary and I had the kids in the car doing the school run, and as usual the pressure was on. Ever since Mary started studying full time, I have had the opportunity to do the school run some mornings. I have a love hate relationship with the school run. It is great being able to spend more time with the kids, but mornings have always been hectic, and now I have an extra four humans to get ready for the day.

This particular morning was nothing too special, we were just following the normal chaotic routine:

Wake the kids up,

feed them breakfast,

wake Joshie up again,

get the kids dressed,

feed Joshie,

get the kids lunches packed,

find Joshie’s shorts,

get the kids to pack their bags,

get ready myself,

wake Joshie up again,

put Joshie’s shorts on for him,

find Joshie’s homework bag,

load the kids up into the car,

find Joshie’s shoes,

put Joshie into the car,

grab a banana for breakfast,

get in the car,

send Joshie back into the house to get his shoes,

start driving,

turn back five minutes later because Joshie forgot a shoe… it was a normal school run.

But as usual the pressure was on - we were five minutes behind schedule and I was determined to make up the five minutes through some efficient driving.

Mary doesn’t like my efficient driving, she tends to describe it as ‘aggressive’ driving.

The kids were in the back playing - loudly - which meant a fight was about to break out. So we raised our voices so the kids could hear us and told them to settle down. Mary and I were tense because we were planning our week and there were some tight deadlines. It’s tricky negotiating traffic and ‘who is going to pick the kids up from school?’ at the same time.

The kids began to fight.

The P-Plater in front of me had just spent literally 35 seconds waiting at the round-about with no cars coming. Were they on their phone?

Joshie started to cry, Isaac had taken his toy. Mary had just proven to me why I needed to be the one to pick the kids up from school.

I could feel my chest tightening. The P-Plater began to move, I looked to my right and I had just enough time to merge before that speeding car arrived.

Mary screamed!

I looked forward and saw that the P-Plater had stopped. I slammed the brakes on and we screeched to a halt - just inches before we touched their ‘Live in Peace and Love’ bumper sticker.

The kids became quiet.

Mary began to excitedly give me some advice on how I could improve my driving.

I realised I had stopped breathing - so I took a deep breath and my only thought at the time was ‘How was I going to respond to this?’

Everybody has things happen to them, but it isn’t the events in our life that define us - it’s how we respond to them that defines us.

This reminds me of a story of a rich and successful businessman. The businessman had spent much of his life not only building a great company - but he was also recognised for his work in the community. He had built shelters for the poor, he would serve soup to the homeless, and he was renowned for his generosity.

One day a reporter heard that the businessman had a long lost twin brother, and so after doing some investigation he found the brother living in another city - so he went to interview him. When the reporter met the twin he was shocked to discover he was living on the street and homeless, the twin was also addicted to drugs and alcohol. The reporter was stunned and asked the twin, “how did you end up like this?”

The twin just snarled and scoffed back, “my father ended up on the street, he spent his life making love to a bottle, and every night he would abuse his kids - how did you expect me to turn out?”

After spending a few hours with the twin the reporter returned home and the next day made an appointment to see the rich businessman. As he sat down he asked him, “sir - how did you end up like this?”

The businessman looked at him kindly and said softly, “my father ended up on the street, he spent his life making love to a bottle, and every night he would abuse his kids - how did you expect me to turn out?”

Stephen Covey says that one of the greatest gifts we have is the ability to respond. We are Response-able.

So this year I have been intentional about how I respond to the events in my life. How will I respond to things like when the school-run gets stressful?

One of the best things I have done is to prepare my response in advance. Mary and I have found that the best way to start the day is the night before. Wash the kids uniforms and have them laid out, pack the kids lunches and leave them in the fridge overnight, and make sure we have the little things like enough milk and bread for breakfast.

But the best thing I have begun to do is to prepare my heart’s response. I know that the kids are going to fight and argue, I know there will be traffic, I know we will still be running late - so I have begun to preempt these events and think about how I will act when they happen.

I am proud to say that after nearly hitting that P-Plater I took a minute to breath and calm my heart and head, and then I apologised.

I apologised to Mary. I apologised to the kids. And most importantly I apologised to God. Then I thanked Him for giving me another chance.

How is your school run? Share your story below.

Hey Mums and Dads - how are you sleeping? Here's some things you need to know

When was the last time you had a good night sleep? I mean a REAL, good, night sleep? A night without any interruptions? A night without any cries? No nappy changes? No wet beds? No sleep walking? No missing dummies? No kids falling out of beds?

I remember the day I became a parent. My first night sleep was awesome! Seriously.

Mary and I had just been through one of the most beautiful moments anybody can ever have - the birth of our first child. For months, leading up to the birth, sleeping was becoming increasingly difficult because it was getting harder for Mary to get comfortable. The baby inside of her just kept getting bigger. It had been a long pregnancy with lots of waiting, pain, and discomfort - and after 9 months Mary was ready to get that baby out! The due date came and went, and when after 2 weeks later we had no baby, the hospital decided to hurry things along. The induction process however, still took another 3 days. We were admitted to the hospital and spent the final three days just walking, talking, trying to get comfortable, and trying to somehow find a way to rest.

Mary was exhausted.

Finally the moment arrived and our son James was born at 2am on the 18th July. After a few hours of measuring and checkups, Mary was sent to the maternity ward for a well earned rest. After 9 months of discomfort - she would finally get a chance to sleep.

So I went home and did the same. I think I slept for at least 8 hours. Heck - I had earned it!

But it was only when I got back to the hospital and saw Mary’s face, that I realised her “good night’s sleep” had lasted only 30 minutes.

There are 2 similarities between Children and Terrorists:

1. they do not negotiate, and
2. they use sleep deprivation as torture.

There are hundreds of reasons why parents are sleep deprived - but they all stem from the same source - responsibility. Not only do parents have a responsibility to tend to the physical needs of their children during the night, but they also start to stretch and grow their own personal capacity so that they can help their kids be the best they can be.

Parents have a lot to do, and since time is a limited resource, sleep ends up being sacrificed on the altar of productivity. Time waits for nobody.

I remember a time when I was single and at university. I was talking to a mentor friend of mine, Eddy, who was keeping me accountable to some of the goals I had told him I wanted to fulfill. In frustration I blurted out to him that “I just don’t have enough time!” Eddy paused - looked at me - and exploded with laughter! Anybody else would have thought I was Jimmy Fallon and Will Ferrell wearing tight pants. Eddy was laughing pretty hard, but eventually he managed to spit out the words, “Jamie - you have no idea.”

This Blog post is dedicated to all those Parents out there who dream for a bigger and better future for their kids. This goes out to the heroes who, after feeding, washing, and putting their kids to sleep, will burn the midnight oil to get the job done - and then get up three times during their 5 hour nap to tend to their crying kids. This is for the parents who know that R.E.M. is literally a dream. But the song “Everybody Hurts” is not.

Mums and Dads, everywhere, I salute you - and everytime I talk to a parent like you chasing their dreams - I am inspired and motivated to do the same.

However, my message to all you Mums and Dads out there is that we need to remember the old adage of the Tortoise and the Hare.

We all know the story of the race between the Tortoise and the Hare, and how the Hare - being far quicker than the Tortoise - stopped to take a rest halfway through the race and fell asleep. The Tortoise kept plodding along, eventually overtaking the Hare, and ultimately beat it to the finish line.

The problem with the Hare was not so much the fact he fell asleep, but that he went too hard, too fast. Whenever we do that as parents we may temporarily get ahead of our schedule - but exhaustion soon overcomes us - and we are forced to rest through sickness or injury.

I have set some goals for myself this year, and one of the key goals is to go to bed at bedtime. It might sound childish but this has been an amazingly effective Productivity Hack. By recognising that sleep is crucial to being effective in other areas of my life, I have had to think hard and make even harder choices about what to do with my time.

So, gone are the nights of stuffing around on social media, gone are the nights where I feverishly throw an all nighter to reach a last minute deadline, gone are the nights where I will sit in front of my laptop - falling asleep - taking 3 hours to do something that would have taken me only 30 minutes to do in the morning.

In order to get the job done I have switched from having late nights to doing early mornings. Most nights I still get up a few times to tend to the kids, but I am feeling way more refreshed, a lot more productive, and have been heaps more happier.

I have realised that even though late nights make you feel like you are getting more done, inconsistency and exhaustion will always take over and make you stop. So I have decided to be like the Tortoise and be more consistent. I just keep plodding along, getting to bed on time, getting up early, and getting the job done.

How much sleep are you getting?

Leading Kids: How to get your Kids to Yes

Why is it that one of the first words that kids learn to say is NO? 

Just today I was talking with my daughter Hannah and I asked her, “Are you a pretty little girl Hannah?” 

“NO”

“Are you a pretty Big Girl then?”

“NO”

“Are you a pretty Baby Girl?”

“No No NO!”


Have you ever experienced the frustration of having a child refuse to follow your lead? I have - both as a parent and as a teacher. Early in my career I found I would spend most of the lesson in constant battles with kids, and these kids would simply refuse to follow my lead. However, things have now changed and since those early days I now have much more success in leading kids - and all from an unlikely source of inspiration - the Pied Piper of Hamelin.

The story of the Pied Piper talks about a rat plague in the Town of Hamelin in 1284. One day a mysterious man appeared and he promised to rid the town of all the rats, for a price that is. The town agreed and so the man pulled out a pipe and began to play music. As he played his tune all the rats in the town began to follow him. He walked out of the town, into the river, and the following rats were then washed away. The stranger returned to the town but when he asked for his payment the town refused to pay. The piper left the town angrily - vowing to return and exact his revenge. So on the 26th June, the stranger returned with his pipe and once again began to play, but this time he attracted all the town’s children. He walked out of town and into the mountains - and the children were never seen again.

As horrific as this story is, I was always fascinated by the Piper’s ability to lead the kids with an almost magical power. I have learned that there are 2 kinds of people with power - managers and leaders. Managers get behind people and drive them forward through compliance, Leaders get in front of people and draw them through an inspirational vision. Managers do things right, Leaders do the right things.

The Pied Piper was a very effective leader. He didn’t force kids to make decisions, they simply moved along, in tow, under his influence.

Imagine having that power and being able to use it for good.

Imagine being able to persuade kids to make great decisions.

Imagine being able to help them step into the God-given purpose they were destined to have!

The thing is, we all have the ability to do this! We can all lead kids in a powerful way, and the way to do this is by creating culture. Creating culture takes a little more time than just pulling out your pipe and playing it - but creating culture is far more powerful because the culture begins to grow and multiply. When you create culture it doesn’t stop with you. In the right environment you will get kids to say yes without them even knowing it. Culture is powerful.

Leaders can set the culture in any environment by establishing clear expectations, and in order to do this the leader needs to have a Vision of what they want the environment to look like. This can be harder than it sounds because it is much easier to know what you DO NOT want rather than figuring out exactly what you DO want.

It is then important to Communicate the expectations - and to do so repeatedly.

Vision leaks.

Kids forget things.

Most often kids just aren’t listening. So the expectations need to be repeated.

Then the final and possibly the most important step is to Focus. We get so distracted by the behaviour that we DO NOT want to see that we lose sight of the things that we DO want to see. So we need to keep our focus on the behaviour we are expecting and to keep reminding them.

Leaders make use of something that Psychologists call “Social Proof”. Social Proof is when people look to see what other people are doing before they make a decision, so this means that kids will make decisions that align with what everyone else is doing.

One of the ways that we are building a Yes culture in our house is by reminding our kids that they need to say "Yes Mummy", and "Yes Daddy". Our kids saying "NO" to a clear instruction is just not an option. We expect our kids to say yes, and we know it will happen. So whenever we have an issue with our kids, one of the most important things they need to do is say "Yes". We will always bring the conversation back to the expectation of a Yes response, and we focus on the importance of language. Ultimately, the words kids say will determine their destiny.

The final secret to building a Yes Culture is to give the Kids many chances to say yes. Too often we, as leaders, will demand immediate compliance and so we immediately give the kid an ultimatum - either do it our way, our suffer the consequence. Unfortunately we tend to go straight for the big guns and if the kid doesn’t say Yes straight away, they will get the full force of the major consequence. We back them into a corner and don’t give them a chance to save face, and when this happens there is no win-win available. When there is a win-lose scenario, somebody always loses.

Always give your kids more options - there is always more.

What are some ways that you lead your kids behaviour? I am always trying to be a better parent and so would love to hear some of your ideas. Leave a comment below.

5 reasons why Kids are Awesome

In Matthew 19:13-15 the story is told of when Jesus encountered a group of kids.

One day some parents brought their children to Jesus so he could lay his hands on them and pray for them. But the disciples scolded the parents for bothering him. But Jesus said, “Let the children come to me. Don’t stop them! For the Kingdom of Heaven belongs to those who are like these children.” And he placed his hands on their heads and blessed them before he left.

Kids are amazing! It is very easy to take them for granted and forget the difference they make in our world, and in the lives of others. Too often we allow ourselves to get too busy for our kids and we can easily neglect them.

We need to remind ourselves of Jesus’ heart for and passion for making a difference in kid's lives. Jesus consistently made time for kids – and by remembering the reasons why He loved kids – we can make time for them too.

Kids are honest

Kids are some of the most genuine beings on the planet and simply cannot hide what they are thinking and feeling. They wear their heart on their sleeve and their foot in their mouth. It can be the most frustrating thing being in public and hearing your child casually comment about the amount of hair on that old lady’s face. Or even more frustrating hearing your child pour out their sadness at losing a game of monopoly – like my competitive son James who will literally cry for 25 minutes straight.

However, the impact of a child’s honesty is never more powerful when they look you in the eye and tell you they love you. Or tell you that you are the best mummy or daddy in the world. A whole day’s worth of stress and frustration will melt away with a quietly whispered “I love you daddy. Sweet dreams.”

Kids are underdogs

Throughout history, whenever a humanitarian crisis arose, the first to suffer would be the children. Adults are the gatekeepers to resources and when times get tough we naturally look after ourselves. Heck – flight attendants insist we place the oxygen mask on ourselves before we put it on anybody else – and this is the right thing to do, because you can’t help anybody else if you need help yourself. But it just proves that kids are at the mercy of others, and are life’s underdogs.

Kids need heroes. Kids need heroes to save them, heroes to protect them, and heroes to inspire them. Jesus is the greatest superhero of all. Bringing help to the helpless, hope to the weary, and life to the lost.

Kids are pure

Kids put their lives into other’s hands very easily. If we are not careful, kids will casually cross a busy road without looking for cars. From the moment they are born children are dependent on others around them, so from the beginning they are brought up to naturally trust others around them. Kids are innocent and pure, and so are susceptible to being led astray. Their inclination to trust makes it all the more important that we, as their parents and carers, find ways to protect them and lead them through childhood in a safe and loving environment.

The thing is – this is not necessarily a bad thing, and in fact it’s actually a good thing. The fact that kids are so trusting reminds us as adults that we are vulnerable and dependent on God. As adults we easily believe the lie that we are in control, that we determine our destiny, and that we call the shots – and this couldn’t be farther from the truth. The older I get the more I am learning how precious, frail, and delicate life is. Any moment could be our last breath – which is a powerful reminder that we are still walking along, hand in hand, with our Creator. He helps us cross the busy road every step we take, and children are a beautiful reminder as to how, and why, we should trust God.

Kids are fun

Kids are full of energy! They can drive us nuts with their incessant demands and overwhelming needs for constant attention, but they definitely make life full – and I would have it no other way. We can easily get irritated by the amount of noise and energy that comes from kids, but we need to remember that they are not doing anything wrong, it’s just that our energy cycles are different to theirs.

Adults tend to have a 12 hour energy cycle. I have my greatest energy from 9am – 12pm then I have a minor low from 3 – 5 pm, with another minor high from 7 – 9pm, and then my lowest energy levels will be from 12 – 4am. Children have a much shorter cycle, and depending on their age, their cycle can be as short as 2 hours, to around 4 – 6 hours.

Unfortunately, the best time I have to spend with my kids are always times when my energy levels are low, but I can make the most of it by planning ahead and having things already prepared for them to do. That way I will already know that we are going for a walk to the park after school and I don’t need to stress about trying to make decisions about what we are going to do.

Besides – we were born to have joy. Just yesterday I was able to snap myself out of a grumpy mood by sitting on the couch and laughing and tickling my daughter Hannah. She really is her ‘Father’s Joy’.

Kids are full of potential

Kids are a blank canvas. They have their whole life set before them and the sky is the limit. It is a unique and honoured position to be able to speak into the life of a child.

Every adult can think back to a time when they were a child and a grownup came alongside them and significantly impacted their world. Just like when my High School Baseball Coach came along side me one day and said that I was a leader, and that he thinks I have the potential to make a difference.

As adults, we do the same thing for the kids we encounter every moment during the day. Let’s live lives that kids will remember, and remember the moment that their lives changed.

Children are a Blessing

Psalm 127 says that Children are a Blessing and a Gift from the Lord. After having 4 kids I can undoubtedly say that this is true. Since we became parents over 9 years ago, our life has always been full of joy, laughter, meaning, and purpose. Every time we had another child, our blessings grew – not only did we experience the fullness and satisfaction of having children – but we grew as people.

Sleep deprivation stretches you to limits that you never dreamed were possible. The selfishness of kids and the forced selflessness (in most cases) of parenthood teaches you things about yourself you never realised were there. It also gives you glimpses of a far deeper love that exists. A love that can only come from our Heavenly Father.

So let us remember, like Jesus did, how amazing kids are – and the reasons why we love them.

Ever feel like an angry parent? This is how to beat anger.

It seemed like my parents were always angry at me when I was growing up as a kid, and I remember thinking that when I became a parent, I was going to be nice and awesome. 

As it turns out, I may be nice and awesome, but I am still a lot like my parents - and I get angry at my kids. I don’t get angry that often, but if you are like me, you know that you get angry more than you would like. Here are a couple of reasons why we get angry as parents, and what we can do about it.

Willpower

Have you ever wondered why you can be in the middle of an argument with your spouse or kids, but as soon as there is a knock on the door - you stop and greet the visitor with a smile as if nothing ever happened? The reason is because anger can be controlled. You can switch it on and off if you have the willpower to do so. But why is it that we can control our anger in public, but in private we don’t? Why do we save our anger for those that we love most?

The answer has less to do with anger, and more to do with willpower.

Mark Muraven once created an experiment that tested people’s performance after they used different levels of willpower. The results were remarkable. Subjects that were permitted to eat freshly baked cookies prior to the test, performed far better than subjects who were not permitted to eat the cookies. What Muraven discovered is that willpower is like a muscle, and like every muscle it gets tired.

It reveals why it can be so hard to go to the gym, eat healthy, or write a Blog post after we come home from work. During the work day we use up a lot of our willpower doing things we would rather not be doing, and then when we get home there's not much willpower left. That lack of willpower is what makes it so hard to control our anger, and explains why it’s easier to have an outburst of anger with our loved ones in private, rather than in public.

You are Hurt

Anger stems from a feeling that somebody owes you. Andy Stanley describes that anger is an Enemy of the Heart, and that the root of anger is the perception that something has been taken from you. If you are an angry parent, it is because you have been hurt. And as we all know, hurt people hurt people. 

Every time a child disobeys their parent - there is an overwhelming feeling of hurt. Not only has the parent done so much for the child, but the parent genuinely knows what is best for the child and they get hurt when they see their children making bad decisions. 

But hurt comes from many sources, with every relationship there is a potential for pain. Pain can come from spouses, friends, employers, anyone we encounter. We carry that pain wherever we go - and because they hurt us, we feel like they owe us. And I will admit that there has been more than once when I have yelled at my children out of frustration and pain that was caused by somebody else.

So it’s clear that as parents it is easy to get angry. But what can we do about this?

Forgive

The only way to eliminate anger is to forgive. If you feel like somebody owes you and you keep holding out for payment, you are prolonging the pain. Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die, the only person that suffers is you.

The key to forgiveness is action. It is very nearly impossible for us to change how we feel, but it is very possible for us to change what we do. It could be something as little as writing a letter to yourself, blessing the other person with a small gift, or saying a small prayer. But whatever it is - you need to do something. And you will need to do something again, and again. It takes time, but eventually the proactive action you take in forgiving others will change your heart, and the feeling of forgiveness will soon take over any anger you feel.

Look after yourself

Any time you go on a plane the flight steward will advise you that in case of an emergency you must always fit the oxygen mask to yourself before attempting to help anybody else. You need to look after yourself. It is probably time to take a good, hard, look at your calendar and see when you have time out for yourself. If there is none - lock something in now. Plan to get more sleep, plan to make exercise a priority, and plan your use of time, money, and resources so that it is spent on you and not just your kids. Go and have fun! It can be anything you enjoy doing, sport, movies, books, food, holidays, exercise, shopping - anything. As long as you are being intentional with putting some time aside for yourself.

Don’t ignore your needs. You can’t help anybody if you are the one who needs help.

Embrace the stretch

If we are to control our anger we need to increase our willpower, and like any muscle, willpower needs to be exercised. Don’t be afraid of taking on a challenge because if we to play it safe we will find our willpower will decrease.

I remember how hard life was when we had our first child. Everything was impossible - shopping, cleaning, eating, travelling in the car - everything. Now that we have four kids we look back at our early days and laugh at our naivety - we now love it when we only have to take one kid to do the shopping!

Embrace the challenges in life and reap the rewards. There is no greater satisfaction than looking back over a life well lived, and seeing how far you have come.

Have you ever been an angry parent? Write a comment below about your experiences.

5 Reasons why a Messy House can be a Blessing

Is your house a mess?

There are many reasons why your house may be a mess right now. 

You might have just moved out of your mum and dad's place for the first time, and the sheer weight of responsibility that comes with wearing the world on your shoulders could be just a little overwhelming right now.

You might have just literally moved house. Moving is always messy.

Or maybe you just don't like cleaning? If that's the case, it could be time to take a good hard look at yourself.

But more than likely you are just like me, and most other Australians, who are having a go at life - people who are pounding out daily responsibilities such as multiple jobs, kids, bills to pay, people to meet, and countless other mind numbing, sleep depriving, life testing tasks which make the daily grind literally a Daily. Grind.

If that is you - I want to tell you that everything is OK. It's OK to have a messy house. Here's 5 reasons why:

1. You are busy

Sometimes we forget that being busy can actually be a good thing. it means that you are hoping for and working towards something more. Something bigger than yourself.

It means that you are reaching beyond your capacity, stepping out, refusing to accept the status quo, and you are making the most of the cards you have been dealt. In short - your are leaving your mark on this world and making a difference.

Here's a thought - if you feel like you are succeeding, then your goals aren't big enough. 

It takes a strong type of person to place themselves in a vulnerable position where they are forced to grow. 

People like to feel confident, like they are winning, like they are something special - so they will stay in their comfort zone and never dare to venture out of it. Little do they realise that their fear of failure steals success before their very eyes. A big fish in a small pond lives in a small, satisfied, but very disappointing world.

If you are busy, my guess is that you are having a go at life, and stretching a little beyond your comfort zone. Take a bow my friend - you ought to be congratulated - because you are taking the path less traveled, precisely because it is the more difficult path to choose. So if your house is messy - just remember the real reason why - and that is because you are grabbing life by the horns and you are wrestling with it wholeheartedly. That takes guts. 

2. There is life in the house 

If you are like me, then the number one reason why your place is a mess is because you have small children. When you have small children, inanimate objects move. All. The. Time.

Nothing stays still. 

Then when you go visit somebody who doesn't have little children, you marvel how the keys stay in the drawer, you wonder how the remote doesn't end up on the bathroom floor, you are dumbstruck by the thought that if you were to look under the cushions, on top of chairs, and in your shoes - you would find absolutely NO sultanas. None at all!

But when I do take my kids to my parent's house, they smile and laugh and actually enjoy the mess that is being created before their very eyes. They ENJOY it! And that's because to them, their house is finally alive once more.

Its easy to forgot what life looks like, but it is easily noticed when it disappears.

You see my parents have seven children. We grew up in a big house with many rooms and numerous hiding places. As a kid I would walk around my house and constantly find people everywhere. It was noisy, it was dynamic, it was a beautiful mess.

But now when I go to my parents house during the week it is eerily silent. Everyone has moved out and begun their own journeys. I walk around on my own and there is no laughter, no conversation, no arguing, yelling, or tears. Just quiet. 

So I think I am beginning to understand why my parents like it when I bring my kids over to their place. It makes the house young again. The place becomes filled with joy, laughter, and love.

A messy house means the place is alive with messy children. 

And as I reflect on this - I begin to thank God desperately for giving me something as beautiful as a messy house.

3. Somebody, somewhere, has discovered something 

Ever visited your Grandmother and just started opening old cupboards and drawers? One man's trash really is the next man's treasure. My Grandma has old photos, old tools, old broken appliances, and old musty clothes - all with a colourful story to tell, all with a history that is interwoven with my story, and the story of my children.

This love of discovery is the very reason why children obsessively pull objects out of drawers, and cupboards, and sinks, and trashcans... don't judge me.

Every time a child pulls something out of a cupboard they walk with it along the hallway and begin to imagine that the paper clip in their hand is really the missing key to the secret room at the back of the garage, and that once they turn the key three times and say the magic word then the door will open to reveal mountains of hidden treasure, jewels, and gold. Then they will finally be able to take it all and afford to buy a 30 cent cone from McDonald's whenever they want.

Children learn from play. When children make a mess their neurons clash, connect, and form new ideas that lead to the foundation of understanding deep theoretical concepts that can only be revealed during humanity's unique pursuit of truth. Newton's Laws of Physics, Smith's 'Invisible Hand', and Einstein's theory of relativity are all messy ideas. But they all began in the messes of their baby play pen.

Just as I was writing these ideas down, my daughter, while sitting in my lap, reached across the table, grabbed a piece of cake, and instead of eating it - decided to pull it apart and feel the texture of the cake in her fingers. My daughter knows how to make a mess, but the mess she makes now, is just the start of something beautiful later.

4. There is a time for mess

Mess is cyclical. It happens, then it gets cleaned, then it happens again, and then - yep, you guessed it, it will get cleaned again. Mess happens day in and day out. It happens on the workshop floor, it happens on your desk, it happens in your car. But wherever mess happens, it will get cleaned up.

We never clean up mess thinking it will never happen again. In fact, we clean up the mess in spite of knowing that it will happen again. And happen soon.

We always clean our house when we know that we will be having guests. We take our time. We do it properly. We make everything neat and tidy. In fact the house looks better for our guests than it ever will for just us. We pour a whole lot of energy into cleaning our house knowing full well that during the visit the house will get messy again, and will immediately require cleaning again.

There is a season for everything. “For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven. A time to be born and a time to die. A time to plant and a time to harvest. A time to kill and a time to heal. A time to tear down and a time to build up.” Ecclesiastes 3:1-3 NLT

I sometimes catch myself just following my kids around picking things up literally as they have just dropped it. While I am cleaning up the mess they have just made, they take four steps and make another mess. Right there and then. The worst part is this will happen four times in a row - and I catch myself and realise that I am wasting everybody's time. There is a time for mess, and a time for cleaning.

As humans we have taken too much liberty in our ability to impact an outcome, and we have lost our appreciation for the seasons. There are times in this life where we need to learn to wait. 

But we resist. We need a solution, and we need it now. Am I hungry? I will just drive through and get something now. Am I unhealthy? I can just buy some artificial stimulants to prop up my body now. Am I poor? I can just tap into my line of credit now. Is my Industry at risk? The government can intervene and stimulate it now.

Some things were meant to take time - and we need to take time for some things. We need to lean into the seasons and ride the waves that take us up and down. Stop taking shortcuts and embrace the journey. Surfers know when it is the right time to stand up on the board and lean into the wave. Its all a matter of timing.

There is a time for mess, and we need to embrace that time and put it to its proper use. At these times we need to pause and enjoy the moment.

And there is a time for cleaning. Cleaning can be tedious, it is routine work - but it is a known. We can measure how long it takes to clean, and then we can factor a buffer into our day to get the job done. Knowledge gives us confidence, confidence motivates us, motivation energises us. We can then do everything well, at the right time, in the right season.

5. Mess is an opportunity

Mess is an opportunity to make a difference in your house, and it is also an opportunity to teach our kids responsibilities.

But mess can also be an opportunity to make a real difference in your life.

If you are choosing not to clean because there is a harder and more important task that needs doing - you are fighting a battle in your mind. And you are winning.

The battle of 'self-talk' is one of the most important battles we will ever face. And this battle always occurs when life is at its toughest moment. When times are tough the mind can become messy and confusing. It can be hard to know what is right and what is wrong. Confidence ebbs and wains, emotions rise and fall. 

The people who win the battle of self-talk are those who have a clear picture of the future that produces passion. They have vision. And when the going gets tough they simply lean back onto that vision and let the vision make the choice for them.

So a messy house is a good thing, because if you know the house is messy - then it is clearly bothering you. And if you are clearly bothered by it but you are compelled NOT to clean up the house because you are currently working on a higher priority - then that messy house is teaching you one of the most powerful lessons you could ever learn - perspective.

Nothing brings up the value of a choice like the price paid for it.

Life is messy

Quite frankly - life itself is messy. No matter how hard you try, the best plans always come undone. There will always be the unexpected bill that arrives, there will always be the car that brakes down, and there will always be the sickness and virus that hits your family like a freight train. 

Life. Can. Be. Messy. 

And that's a good thing, because sometimes the most beautiful things are messy. 

Art is messy. It never really made much sense to me. For the first 30 years of my life I often looked at art as just a bunch of stuff thrown together.

Pointless. Wasteful. Messy. 

But now when I look at art, I see how beautiful it is.

Life can be messy - but that's the beauty of it. 

The sun always shines brighter after a rainy week. When the lows are low, the highs get higher. And you never really, truly, know how much you have - until you have lost it.

Life can be messy. But messy can be beautiful.

Lean in.

What are some of the random places your kids have left things? I'd love it if you left a Comment Below.