The Proactive Reactive: How to Predict your Reaction

A Painful Memory
I got hit in the face with a Baseball once - but the worst part was, I saw it coming the whole way.

It was the end of a big day of representative trials. I was exhausted, my legs were bloodied, and I was finishing the day out on the mound, pitching hard in a trial match. I was doing well, the count was well in my favour against this particular batter, and the Catcher returned the ball to me. 

And I just watched the ball come at me, and straight at my nose. 

I looked like an idiot, and felt like one too - but the simple fact of the matter is I missed the ball. My reaction was too slow, I daydreamed for a split second and I missed the opportunity to catch it, so my nose had a go.

Conditioning
Coaches spend a lot of their time and energy conditioning their players. Conditioning usually means fitness - but it involves a whole lot more. It is often hard to see from the sidelines but as a game goes on, it gets harder. Players run hard and give all they have on the field - so pain thresholds are met and energy levels drop very quickly. Quite often the deciding factor in a game depends on which players have more fuel left in the tank. So coaches will prepare their players for the rigours of competition by ensuring they are fit.

I have no doubt that if my fitness level was higher back then I would not have been hit in the face with a baseball.

Habits
But conditioning is more than just fitness, conditioning is also a great way of forming habits. Charles Duhigg talks about the benefits of Habits in his book "The Power of Habit". We learn habits to become more efficient and save time from making decisions. Imagine how much time you could waste on everyday decisions. What to eat, what to wear, where to go, how to get there. We could spend hours mindlessly debating the pros and cons of thousands of decisions. That is why we automatically do hundreds of little tasks everyday without thinking, through repetition we establish routines in a little part of our brain called the basal ganglia, and this part of our brain controls actions for us subconsciously. As a result we don't need to consciously think about many of the decisions we need to make, because they have been made in advance. We establish habits to save us time.

Coaches thus condition their players with habits so that they will make plays not as a matter of decision, but as a matter of instinct.

I can think of some good instincts that would stop a baseball from hitting my face.

Planning our Reactions
We react to things due to our habits. Our habits are our default reactions, our instincts, that occur when we are not consciously acting. If you are stressed and your kid spills milk everywhere and you react by yelling, it is because you have lost touch with your decision-making ability and you are simply reacting due to your instinct. 

This is possibly why I rudely snapped at the hospital doctor at 5am this morning. 

When you haven't had much sleep because your baby has been sick and crying all night, you are more likely to give an honest rather than a polite answer when the doctor asks you why you brought your baby to the hospital. I would have preferred to have planned a better reaction.

I may not be able to control my reactions, but I can shape my Character.

It is a well known adage that we need to watch our thoughts because they become our words, and we need to watch our words because they become our actions, we need to watch our actions because they become our habits, we need to watch our habits because they become our character, and we need to watch our character because it defines our destiny.

We can shape our character by intentionally leaning into destiny fulfilling thoughts. We shape our character by the books we read, by the people we spend time with, by the questions we ask.

We can set our life on a course that will crystallise into our character - and therefore most of our actions will align with it. We can start to predict our reaction because we know what we are becoming. A proactive reactive.

What is one thing you did recently that could have been a better response? What vision do you have of yourself in ten years time?

You can start to shape your character.

Lean in.

Jamie

The Power of Apprenticing

You only know as much you know. Like most people, I know what I know - and I know it confidently. So when I talk to somebody else who knows something I don’t - I don’t know it.

Know what I am talking about?

Let me explain
I often get into arguments with people who tell me something that I have never heard before. Not because they are wrong, but because what they are sharing exists outside the bounds of my sphere of understanding. And it can be painful when my brain collides with new and contradictory thoughts that need to be reconciled in a new idea. Change is a painful process. It also hurts to hear that you’re wrong.

The Wise Cousin
I grew up in the presence of a wiser, older cousin. He knew stuff. He once explained to me that the way that police know how fast you are going - is through the use of special guns they have that smell the smoke coming out of your exhaust pipe. This led to an interesting conversation with my grade four teacher in front of the class when she started explaining the basics of how radar works. Needless to say she learnt something new. And it was painful.

Be an Apprentice
After learning the hard way several times, I began to realise the importance of following in the jet stream of somebody who has been there an done that before. This is an idea that has been around for thousands of years - being an apprentice.

Get around somebody Great
In order to grow, in order to get better, and in order to learn - we need to be around somebody who exceeds us in knowledge and ability. It is well said that we are the average of the five closest people to us, so we need to be getting around better people.

Ruth 1:16 shows the power that a good leader can have on a good apprentice. As Naomi was trying to convince Ruth to stay behind, Ruth replies “… Don’t ask me to leave you and turn back. Wherever you go, I will go; wherever you live, I will live. Your people will be my people, and your God will be my God.”

Leadership

I read this passage in the book of Ruth the other day and for the first time I saw beyond Ruth’s loyalty, and instead I got a glimpse of Naomi’s leadership. Naomi was an amazingly, inspiring, and motivating person. She knew how to get the job done. When the chips were down, she would lean in and find breakthrough. When resources got scarce, she positioned herself for a win. Naomi was a phenomenal leader - and Ruth wanted a part of it.

Ruth knew that she only knew what she only knew, so she followed Naomi as an apprentice of life. She gleaned and learned from her, and Ruth knew that she would continue to grow and her capacity would expand. 

Ruth was a hard worker - but she learned that from Naomi. Ruth was a gentle, kind, and humble person. Yet she was strong and a determinedly spirited woman - traits she gained from Naomi.

Naomi was a leader - and Ruth was her apprentice. Ruth is one of the most famous woman throughout the history of humanity, and all she did was learn the power of apprenticing - and position herself in Naomi’s jetstream.

Are you inspired by the five closest people to you? Who can you position yourself under to expand your capacity?

Lean in.

Jamie