Getting kids ready in the morning - whose response-ablity is the schoolrun?

One recent morning, Mary and I had the kids in the car doing the school run, and as usual the pressure was on. Ever since Mary started studying full time, I have had the opportunity to do the school run some mornings. I have a love hate relationship with the school run. It is great being able to spend more time with the kids, but mornings have always been hectic, and now I have an extra four humans to get ready for the day.

This particular morning was nothing too special, we were just following the normal chaotic routine:

Wake the kids up,

feed them breakfast,

wake Joshie up again,

get the kids dressed,

feed Joshie,

get the kids lunches packed,

find Joshie’s shorts,

get the kids to pack their bags,

get ready myself,

wake Joshie up again,

put Joshie’s shorts on for him,

find Joshie’s homework bag,

load the kids up into the car,

find Joshie’s shoes,

put Joshie into the car,

grab a banana for breakfast,

get in the car,

send Joshie back into the house to get his shoes,

start driving,

turn back five minutes later because Joshie forgot a shoe… it was a normal school run.

But as usual the pressure was on - we were five minutes behind schedule and I was determined to make up the five minutes through some efficient driving.

Mary doesn’t like my efficient driving, she tends to describe it as ‘aggressive’ driving.

The kids were in the back playing - loudly - which meant a fight was about to break out. So we raised our voices so the kids could hear us and told them to settle down. Mary and I were tense because we were planning our week and there were some tight deadlines. It’s tricky negotiating traffic and ‘who is going to pick the kids up from school?’ at the same time.

The kids began to fight.

The P-Plater in front of me had just spent literally 35 seconds waiting at the round-about with no cars coming. Were they on their phone?

Joshie started to cry, Isaac had taken his toy. Mary had just proven to me why I needed to be the one to pick the kids up from school.

I could feel my chest tightening. The P-Plater began to move, I looked to my right and I had just enough time to merge before that speeding car arrived.

Mary screamed!

I looked forward and saw that the P-Plater had stopped. I slammed the brakes on and we screeched to a halt - just inches before we touched their ‘Live in Peace and Love’ bumper sticker.

The kids became quiet.

Mary began to excitedly give me some advice on how I could improve my driving.

I realised I had stopped breathing - so I took a deep breath and my only thought at the time was ‘How was I going to respond to this?’

Everybody has things happen to them, but it isn’t the events in our life that define us - it’s how we respond to them that defines us.

This reminds me of a story of a rich and successful businessman. The businessman had spent much of his life not only building a great company - but he was also recognised for his work in the community. He had built shelters for the poor, he would serve soup to the homeless, and he was renowned for his generosity.

One day a reporter heard that the businessman had a long lost twin brother, and so after doing some investigation he found the brother living in another city - so he went to interview him. When the reporter met the twin he was shocked to discover he was living on the street and homeless, the twin was also addicted to drugs and alcohol. The reporter was stunned and asked the twin, “how did you end up like this?”

The twin just snarled and scoffed back, “my father ended up on the street, he spent his life making love to a bottle, and every night he would abuse his kids - how did you expect me to turn out?”

After spending a few hours with the twin the reporter returned home and the next day made an appointment to see the rich businessman. As he sat down he asked him, “sir - how did you end up like this?”

The businessman looked at him kindly and said softly, “my father ended up on the street, he spent his life making love to a bottle, and every night he would abuse his kids - how did you expect me to turn out?”

Stephen Covey says that one of the greatest gifts we have is the ability to respond. We are Response-able.

So this year I have been intentional about how I respond to the events in my life. How will I respond to things like when the school-run gets stressful?

One of the best things I have done is to prepare my response in advance. Mary and I have found that the best way to start the day is the night before. Wash the kids uniforms and have them laid out, pack the kids lunches and leave them in the fridge overnight, and make sure we have the little things like enough milk and bread for breakfast.

But the best thing I have begun to do is to prepare my heart’s response. I know that the kids are going to fight and argue, I know there will be traffic, I know we will still be running late - so I have begun to preempt these events and think about how I will act when they happen.

I am proud to say that after nearly hitting that P-Plater I took a minute to breath and calm my heart and head, and then I apologised.

I apologised to Mary. I apologised to the kids. And most importantly I apologised to God. Then I thanked Him for giving me another chance.

How is your school run? Share your story below.

Hey Mums and Dads - how are you sleeping? Here's some things you need to know

When was the last time you had a good night sleep? I mean a REAL, good, night sleep? A night without any interruptions? A night without any cries? No nappy changes? No wet beds? No sleep walking? No missing dummies? No kids falling out of beds?

I remember the day I became a parent. My first night sleep was awesome! Seriously.

Mary and I had just been through one of the most beautiful moments anybody can ever have - the birth of our first child. For months, leading up to the birth, sleeping was becoming increasingly difficult because it was getting harder for Mary to get comfortable. The baby inside of her just kept getting bigger. It had been a long pregnancy with lots of waiting, pain, and discomfort - and after 9 months Mary was ready to get that baby out! The due date came and went, and when after 2 weeks later we had no baby, the hospital decided to hurry things along. The induction process however, still took another 3 days. We were admitted to the hospital and spent the final three days just walking, talking, trying to get comfortable, and trying to somehow find a way to rest.

Mary was exhausted.

Finally the moment arrived and our son James was born at 2am on the 18th July. After a few hours of measuring and checkups, Mary was sent to the maternity ward for a well earned rest. After 9 months of discomfort - she would finally get a chance to sleep.

So I went home and did the same. I think I slept for at least 8 hours. Heck - I had earned it!

But it was only when I got back to the hospital and saw Mary’s face, that I realised her “good night’s sleep” had lasted only 30 minutes.

There are 2 similarities between Children and Terrorists:

1. they do not negotiate, and
2. they use sleep deprivation as torture.

There are hundreds of reasons why parents are sleep deprived - but they all stem from the same source - responsibility. Not only do parents have a responsibility to tend to the physical needs of their children during the night, but they also start to stretch and grow their own personal capacity so that they can help their kids be the best they can be.

Parents have a lot to do, and since time is a limited resource, sleep ends up being sacrificed on the altar of productivity. Time waits for nobody.

I remember a time when I was single and at university. I was talking to a mentor friend of mine, Eddy, who was keeping me accountable to some of the goals I had told him I wanted to fulfill. In frustration I blurted out to him that “I just don’t have enough time!” Eddy paused - looked at me - and exploded with laughter! Anybody else would have thought I was Jimmy Fallon and Will Ferrell wearing tight pants. Eddy was laughing pretty hard, but eventually he managed to spit out the words, “Jamie - you have no idea.”

This Blog post is dedicated to all those Parents out there who dream for a bigger and better future for their kids. This goes out to the heroes who, after feeding, washing, and putting their kids to sleep, will burn the midnight oil to get the job done - and then get up three times during their 5 hour nap to tend to their crying kids. This is for the parents who know that R.E.M. is literally a dream. But the song “Everybody Hurts” is not.

Mums and Dads, everywhere, I salute you - and everytime I talk to a parent like you chasing their dreams - I am inspired and motivated to do the same.

However, my message to all you Mums and Dads out there is that we need to remember the old adage of the Tortoise and the Hare.

We all know the story of the race between the Tortoise and the Hare, and how the Hare - being far quicker than the Tortoise - stopped to take a rest halfway through the race and fell asleep. The Tortoise kept plodding along, eventually overtaking the Hare, and ultimately beat it to the finish line.

The problem with the Hare was not so much the fact he fell asleep, but that he went too hard, too fast. Whenever we do that as parents we may temporarily get ahead of our schedule - but exhaustion soon overcomes us - and we are forced to rest through sickness or injury.

I have set some goals for myself this year, and one of the key goals is to go to bed at bedtime. It might sound childish but this has been an amazingly effective Productivity Hack. By recognising that sleep is crucial to being effective in other areas of my life, I have had to think hard and make even harder choices about what to do with my time.

So, gone are the nights of stuffing around on social media, gone are the nights where I feverishly throw an all nighter to reach a last minute deadline, gone are the nights where I will sit in front of my laptop - falling asleep - taking 3 hours to do something that would have taken me only 30 minutes to do in the morning.

In order to get the job done I have switched from having late nights to doing early mornings. Most nights I still get up a few times to tend to the kids, but I am feeling way more refreshed, a lot more productive, and have been heaps more happier.

I have realised that even though late nights make you feel like you are getting more done, inconsistency and exhaustion will always take over and make you stop. So I have decided to be like the Tortoise and be more consistent. I just keep plodding along, getting to bed on time, getting up early, and getting the job done.

How much sleep are you getting?